It is safe to say that this has been the worst summer I have ever had. As much as I would like to say that it has been awful because of health problems, or my business going under, or because of my impending divorce, I can’t. I don’t live a tabloid life. This summer has been lousy because of one reason: no money. Actually, the real reason is that what work there has been has been terribly unreliable.

Oh, there will be again. I’ve decided that I will substitute teach for another year, hoping all the time that a permanent teaching job opens up in January. (I’ve been getting lots of messages about this on the big blue FB.) Unfortunately, substitute teaching days are rare in September, which is the first month of the school year in Michigan. In fact, I’ve already been assigned to two days down the road, but one is at the end of September and the other is in mid-October.

In the meantime, while I’ve been keeping up with most of my bills, the rent has gone unpaid. I send in what I can when I get it, and am not as behind as I once was, but the threat of an involuntary camping trip still looms. Even so, I’m not looking for another job. For one thing, there just aren’t that many available. Those that are out there aren’t really willing to hire you if they know you’re working two jobs, which they will when you tell them you’re not available Monday through Friday from 7:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can tell them this, but when they ask why (which they will) and you give them an honest answer (which I will), they won’t bother with you. Why should they? There are enough people out there looking for just a single job, so why should they go to the trouble of scheduling a bunch of people around their other job. Show loyalty to us and us alone or go away. (I guess you could call this the Metallica principle.)

I have seriously thought about applying for a job and then during the interview, when they ask why I can’t come in until four, just telling them that I don’t really sober up enough for work until then. You know what? I bet I would get the job then.

Most importantly, I’ve come to the conclusion that outside of writing and teaching, I am pretty much unemployable. Seriously. To be fair, I think that it’s outside of anything creative that I’m not employable. So I have a few options available. I’ve found a few places online where I can freelance, so I’ll be looking into them and reporting back on them. Days that I don’t sub I can just go to the library (where there are fewer distractions than at home) and get some work done and hopefully make some money. I know you’ll never get rich working on the internet, but I hope to at least be able to pay the bills this way. I’ll be reporting back about these experiences later.

Oh yeah, if you can figure out where the title of this post comes from, then +5 charisma and +5 intelligence to you. No fair using the google, either.

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